He takes his pen and
places a small check beside your name and with the biggest sincere smile says,
“Welcome to Heaven.”
The doors of a bar
swing open and the first thing that catches your ears is “I wear the black
for those who’ve never read or listened to the words that Jesus said about the
road to happiness through love and charity why you’d think he’s speaking
straight to you and me.” Those words are from the Johnny Cash song “Man in
Black” and they are among many Cash songs that play around the clock on the
jukebox. As you flip through the pages of music on the jukebox you see the likes
of Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Roy Orbison, Buddy Holy, and Jerry Garcia among
many others. There is one peculiar thing about this particular jukebox though,
every time a musician passes away on Earth his legacy is added to the playlist.
As you continue
listening to the music you wader around the bar watching some of the regulars
shooting pool, while others are playing close attention to the television screen
as the ballgame is in extra frames and Cy Young is coming out of the bullpen to
face Babe Ruth. As you continue you notice a bulletin board on the wall with all
of the latest news on the Heaven front. The biggest news seems to be that Audrey
Hepburn has gotten her wings. You say to yourself, “I always knew she had to
have been an angel.” All of a sudden you hear a loud booming voice from behind
you at the bar. You suddenly think to yourself, “I know I’ve heard that voice
somewhere before.” You quickly turn around to see who it is and to your
astonishment it is the “man in black” himself, Johnny Cash.
Johnny Cash asks the
bartender, “What time is it?” The bartender promptly reminds Cash that, “in
heaven time does not exist; heaven is eternity. “ “I keep forgetting that after
all this time,” responds Cash. “That’s okay it took Abe Lincoln ages before he
finally stopped asking for the time.” It appears that Johnny Cash is expecting
someone, but he hasn’t let on to anybody as to whom it is he is so anxiously
waiting for.
As Babe Ruth homers to
win the game and the jukebox beams Webb Pierce’s “There Stands the Glass” the
door opens and in walks another “man in black” NASCAR racing legend Dale Earnhardt. Earnhardt pulls up a stool at the bar beside Cash and Cash says,
“It’s about time you ol’ Ironhead.” “Sorry, I’m late Johnny, but Shakespeare
caught me outside, and you know how that goes.” “Yeah, don’t I know it! He
talked to me for twenty minutes yesterday about classic movies before he finally
realized that I wasn’t John Wayne.” You can’t believe a word you are hearing.
Johnny Cash and Dale Earnhardt, the “men in black” and you two heroes are the
best of buddies.
You pull up a stool
closest to the conversation, so you can sort of listen in. The bartender wanders
over to the two and asks Earnhardt, “What’ll you have to drink?” “Whiskey”,
immediately replies Earnhardt. “Sir, this bar does not serve alcoholic
beverages.” “What in the hell kind of bar doesn’t serve alcohol?” “The heavenly
kind. If you want alcohol, you’ll have to go to Hell.” Earnhardt quickly
replies, “ice water please” and turns to Cash and says, “I spent a day in Hell
as punishment for decking Weatherly after we got into a late race wreck. I don’t
want to go back to that place, my skin still burns.”
“So, Johnny, what’s
new?” asks Earnhardt. “Oh, nothing much really. I did have one kind of cool
experience.” “Yeah, what’s that?” “God asked me to record a new version of “Ring
of Fire” as background music for those taking the elevator to Hell. ‘You’re
going down, down, down to the burning ring of fire.’ You know that type of
thing.” “Man, that is cool”, says Earnhardt, “God never asks me to do anything
like that, in fact every time I see God I’m being punished for one thing or
another. Just the other day I was short track racin’ at Wilkesboro with the boys
and got called to God’s “big red truck” for putting the ol’ spin and win on
LeeRoy Yarbrough.” “What’d he say?” asked Cash. “Well, he let me off with a
warning, but he said one more incident like that and “Little E” goes into
another slump.” “Man, that is rough.” “Don’t I know it, John. I spun Lee Petty
one cotton pickin’ time and now Junior has no shot at making “The Chase” back on
Earth.
“Well, Dale I hate to
end a great conversation, but I’m opening up the show for Elvis tonight.”
“That’s all right man. I’ve got to meet Bonnett at the track anyway for some
dirt racin’.” “Same place tomorrow night, Dale?” “You betcha, I’ll see you then,
John.” You are still in shock of what you’ve just witnessed, but you know that
in heaven anything and everything is possible. Same place tomorrow night for the
“men in black” and you know that you’re going to find the time to be there as
well.
Suddenly a strange
feeling hits you and you rub your tired eyes. You gaze at your surroundings and
see a clock that says
2:15 am and quickly determine that you are in your bed, back on
Earth. It suddenly hits you that there won’t be a tomorrow night, as everything
you have just witnessed isn’t factual, merely a complicated dream played out in
your head. You think to yourself, “well, I guess that’s over with”, but you lay
back down in your bed and hope to heaven above that it becomes a recurring
dream. As you lay your head back down on your pillow you see a dark figure
leaning against your closet. All of a sudden the flash from a cigarette being
lit lights up the room showcasing the ghostly image of Dale Earnhardt, “Helluva
dream, huh buddy?” is all he says as he quickly disappears out of thin air.
The End